Electricity in Miles
by Leeson
Summary: An unyes and a roadtrip change his life forever. Litish. Rating for language. Oneshot.


**Electricity in Miles (1/1)  
An unyes and a roadtrip change his life forever. Lit. 'Nag Hammadi' and onward.  
****I do not own the characters or universe depicted.**

Electric blue eyes and slick, black asphalt.

He's pretty sure it shouldn't be raining in the desert in September

He's pretty sure she didn't tell Lorelai, left without a word.

He's pretty sure they'll go back to Connecticut and everything will go back to the way it was before and he'll cease to exist and Rory will let him fade into the background as she reappears at town events and princess status and way to sweet considering the past three months.

But he's had her that long, three months. Three months of road. Three months. Twelve thousand miles. Rain and drought and sun and moon and too much to remember if he wants to stay sane.

But now it's September and she goes back to Yale in two weeks and she'll be a sophomore.

And he'll be a shadow.

'_Don't say no just to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say no if you really don't want to be with me.'_

_She's teary and he has no idea what the fuck she's going to say. 'Just the summer.' It comes out small and choked and he thinks he's going to need more sanity than he has. _

Welcome to Kansas, Jess Mariano. She's sleeping beside him until they pass the sign and its still night, or its night again, and he's too tired to keep track. She looks at him and electric blue and there's too much there and so she looks ahead.

The fuel gage says empty and he's hesitant to stop, but in the end he does and he gets gas and when he gets back to the car with change and food and a full tank, she's standing at a trashcan and throwing up and he doesn't know what to do, so he just sits in the car and waits.

_He kisses her shoulder and throws an arm over her and it's a little too surreal._

_She smiles, barely, too much doubt in her eyes for it too reach. Too much dishonesty for either of them to care. 'This sex thing may not be too bad.'_

_He kisses her shoulder again, lower, and he can feel her heart beat below his lips. 'Maybe not.'_

Three states later and Indiana public restrooms are a lot nicer than Kansas was. The door is locked and there's one toilet and no stalls and it's just like a regular bathroom without a shower and they'll think of anything to keep their eyes away from the sink where they rest.

She readjusts herself on the floor a little and there's something very uncomfortable, he'd imagine, about sitting on a concrete floor with your back to concrete and the future looking brick. She checks her watch and bites her lip and he wonders how three minutes hasn't already fucking passed.

She stands up slowly, careful to balance herself. Jess stays in place, his back and head resting against a wall and he doesn't really want to know.

She cries softly and he walks over and there are six lines between three tests and fuck.

_Rory grins at him, 'Wow.'_

_He nods, exhausted but satiated and he's not even sure what she's talking about._

'_We should live here forever. It's neither of us.'_

_And he can't tell exactly what she means, but he's pretty sure it's good._

Connecticut is on the horizon and there's been no touch or talk since Indiana and she cries the entire time and this wasn't supposed to happen because it was supposed to be the summer and then the end and he's pretty sure that doesn't work now.

A song comes on the radio and it's 'Put Your Dreams Away' and she cries harder and he just turns it of because fuck if every song doesn't do that and he's sure it isn't hormones so much as him.

She looks over at him and electricity. Miles to go.

'_Ho-Ho's are proof that there's a God,' she notes between mouthfuls of the sickly sweet cake and cream dessert. He's still eating his burger and he misses Luke's because at least the food was good and he makes a note to himself that nowhere else compares._

_She opens another package of sweets and the cellophane is giving him a headache but the small pink mouth and electric blue eyes win._

A festival is setting up and people are staring at his car and the electric-blue eyed girl within who disappeared with naught a note or farewell.

They ignore it, barely, and make their way to the diner because at six, Lorelai would be nowhere else and it looks a bit like rain.

Correct, of course, in their assumption and she's shocked and electric blue and electric blue meet and there are too many things that don't make sense anymore and, really, there's no problem and he's ten seconds away from becoming nothing but shadow when she grabs his arm and whispers in his ear and there's no way he can leave that.

He does anyway, and she doesn't care enough to look.

_He's silent. It wasn't his choice and he hates himself for letting her choose, because he should've known that Yale is first._

_He got a double room and she's sad because he didn't before, not even in the beginning, and she knows why and they're only an hour from Stars Hollow, but the doctor said rest. _

_Hours after the fact and he still hasn't talked to her and he really doesn't know what to say. Except that, maybe, he shouldn't have let her._

Years and years and miles and miles and electric blue is the center of his universe again.

Lorelai gives him grim smiles and Luke won't talk and Rory doesn't seem to exist in any world and the cover of the book was supposed to be black with white lettering and he wants to know why the cover has a picture and electric blue eyes that aren't quite electric enough but it's his story and that doesn't mean anything in the real world.

Four months and she's back and there's a husband and a baby and a little girl and Rory's read the book and she hates him for it and he doesn't really care because, really, he's hated her since forty miles away and seven years ago, and Monroe won't leave his mind because, technically, he thinks it never happened.

The last thing he thinks before she turns away is that maybe, electricity never happened, either.

_The word is sour on his tongue and he can't quite keep the bile down and he doesn't think he can say anything so he just drives on._

_She looks at him surreptitiously and the electric blue is deathly silent and it's a little like before he fucked up and a little like he never got the chance._

**Reformatted and Edited:** 21 October, 2008


End file.
